Spoilt ‘pikins’ of ranting Arewa parents – Femi Adeoti Column

Advertisement

FEMI ADEOTI COLUMN,

I heard the other day that some northerners were fuming, bleating. They refused to be consoled or appeased. They flexed their fleshy muscles uncontrollably.
They even went ridiculous. They are the privileged. And they resorted to making weird claims. They styled themselves as special species. And they picked on frivolities.
They flaunted their jaundiced birth right with uncanny audacity. The only elite from Arewa, they tagged themselves.
I wondered unconsciously: “Why are they in deep angst?” Someone who cared volunteered: “Because of their spoilt kids.” And what about them?
They insisted. All of their kids must work in the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) or the Federal Airports Authority of (FAAN). Nothing less. They were not ready to shift ground. And to make their mussing messier, they must all reside in Abuja!
I couldn’t hold back. I shouted with all the strength in me: Tell them, may they never stop fuming. They will forever bleat and bleed.
On that matter, they will remain in excruciating pains. We all own this contraption labelled Nigeria. And on equal basis for a bitter truth. That’s the unpleasant reality that should sink into our skulls all.
Nobody should be singled for pity or favour. Let all be pitied and favoured. Let there be a level playing ground for all. The rich and the poor. The mighty and the low. The known and the unknown. To showcase their skills and talents.
That’s the practice, the benchmark. The standard in all saner climes but ours. To all these, we are strangers. We have our own unique and eerie norm. It is best for us alone.
Flippancy, shallowness, levity and triviality are our options and pastimes. We thrive on them with guts. Of all our grave challenges, we elected to pick on mere office re-location. Very mundane.
We wear ourselves out on irrelevant issues. Matters that have no remote bearing on our progress. We pull ourselves down by discussing nothingness. We dwell on our weaknesses and throw our strengths into the gutters. That’s how we waste away.
Like greedy parents, like spoilt children. These characters are afraid of their ugly shadows. They are being hunted and haunted by their parents’ past sordid deeds.
They are the offspring of ignominy. They live on the inglorious acts of their daddies and mummies. These pampered kids are in the waiting room. Eager to take over from where their selfish parents plan to stop.
They are learning the crooked ropes their families are familiar with fast. See how their parents are crying wolf where there’s none. Shameful, awful!
CBN and FAAN have exposed them. They brought the worst out of them. They are so self-centred and parochial. Many thanks to Oluyemi Cardoso, governor, CBN and Festus Keyamo, Minister of Aviation.
Their avidity is unimaginable. Katsina Elders’ Forum (KEF) apparently did the odd kick-off. These elders’ nerves can’t be contemplated. Their order to President Bola Tinubu was laughable: He must not relocate certain departments of CBN and FAAN from Abuja to Lagos or any part of the South.
They roared: “The North is not afraid of telling Tinubu to his face that we are not ready to re-elect him in 2027 once he starts moving all these critical departments to Lagos.”
They were even bold enough to accuse him: “Despite the insecurity situation in the North, Tinubu is not making any effort to curb the insecurity and is moving all these departments.”
Then Senator Ali Ndume sauntered in, also in annoyance. He almost reduced it to triviality. He picked a huge quarrel with those he elected to tag Lagos boys: “All these ‘Lagos boys’ who are thinking that Lagos is Nigeria are just misinforming and advising the President wrongly. This will have political consequences.”
But this oracle, Vice President Kashim Shettima, differed vehemently. And he was forthright to say so. The big masquerade from their North spoke perfectly well. A strong voice, one of the ever-ruling northern elite.
His candid opinion? You’ve got to hear him out: “President Tinubu’s Renewed Hope Agenda would not make any policy or decision that would be sectional, or at the detriment of some geographical location of the nation.
“Those opposing the relocation process of some of the departments should desist. Or else, they are acting as mischief makers.”
Those who know road won’t keep quiet. That would be a dis-service. They are speaking out loud enough for whoever cares to listen. Former Emir of Kano, Sanusi Lamido Sanusi, is one of them. He aligned with Shettima. He did not care whose ugly ox was gored. He did it without mincing, mixing or missing words.
A professional banker of repute. He once held sway at the CBN. His final answer, that act is “a sensible move.” He did not stop at that: “My advice to the governor (of CBN) is to go ahead with his policy. Once the CBN starts bending to political pressure on one thing, it will continue doing so.
“Northern politicians will shout that this is moving from Abuja to Lagos. Abuja is a federal capital, not a northern issue. So long as this is a principled decision, the noise should be ignored.” Great kudos to a man of courage, principle, not sentiment.
A former spokesman to the Kaduna State governor also came on board. Ahmed Maiyaki spoke profoundly to the situation. He reflected our thoughts. He nailed it succinctly: “For me as a northerner, I believe strongly that they (northern elite) are speaking strongly to protect their own interest.
“Some northern elite’s children who schooled abroad were secretly recruited into the CBN. These are people who schooled in the UK and they are back in Abuja in their comfort zone. They do not want to move out of Abuja.” No other truth than this!
This crop of northern elite won’t stop barking. They’re in a tiny minority. But their power is enormous and wholesome. They use it to their maximum advantage, benefit and favour.
They want everything for themselves and their spoilt offspring. So, they whine, wail, groan and moan all the way. And they refuse to be comforted. The majority can go to blazes for all they care! The elite should for once focus their gaze on Arewa’s mass of “talakawas.” They won’t ever do this. They will always want to oppress them with reckless impunity and immunity.
We want them to howl on endlessly. Their blurred memory is acutely short. They forgot so easily and painfully too. It was a southerner who actually led the crusade that took the capital to Abuja. How many northern elites were involved in that campaign?
Justice Akinola Aguda did lead that panel. Yes, with rights activist Tai Solarin as a vocal and active member. They chose Abuja with an open mind, never parochial.
The patriotism in them informed that decision. They never gave a thought to what the Ndumes are dubiously thinking now. Nigeria was on their minds. Not nepotism, tribe or religion. Not even South or North. Neither East nor West.
The Aguda panel’s sincerity picked Abuja. It was carved out as FCT and not as a part of their Arewa. It’s our FCT, not their northern FCT. Abuja is our collective. It ought to be our strength, not our weakness.
It is a place for everybody but nobody in particular. No northerner can lay claim to it than a southerner. That’s the bare reality we must learn to live with. Let’s explore and exploit its potentialities for our common good.
The uproar over CBN and FAAN is a distraction. It’s disquiet from the pit of hell. Nobody will buy into it. They won’t have their ugly way this time. Time is not on their side. And Mother Luck has abandoned them to their crooked fate. All forces are against and far ahead of them. Their tactics no longer work wonders.
These northern elites are risible. They’re always quick at threatening. And they choose to do that with their self-acclaimed large votes. We are not unaware how these usually add up.
See the glaring reason restructuring is it! Call it by whatever label: Re-set, devolution of powers, et al. It is the most urgent and viable. It fits our bill perfectly well now.
Let’s promptly return to our roots: parliamentary system. It’s from there we came.
We need to move on. Let’s forget who did us into unitary government. That belongs to our dirty, chequered history. There’s always a way out. All roads couldn’t have been shut. The fact that somebody did it gives us “renewed hope.” It means someone else can re-do it, even better.
This is quite doable. If a General Johnson Aguyi-Ironsi naively gave us a unitary government. Certainly, a Tinubu can revert and give us parliamentary system. We had sweet stories to tell in 1950s and early 1960s when parliamentary ruled our waves. The template is there for us to fall back on. We may need a re-gig.
It remains our best option. It is less stressful. It’s far, far less expensive and complicated. No duplication of any sort. It aids development from the grassroots. From the bottom to the top. It prevents waste and plugs loopholes.
It makes governance easy, convenient, comfortable and above all, accountable. That is the real government of the people, by the people and for the people. It is what democracy is all about.
Certainly, not this our present odd, awkward dispensation.