Women like me should be able to watch football without being sexually harassed | Football

I expected it to happen. In fact, I would have been more surprised if it hadn’t happened. 

It’s part of the pre-game routine now: have a pint, buy a program – and get leered at by a fellow fan. 

‘Alright darling, you can come and sit with me if you like? I came to watch the football but I’d rather look at you.’ 

It shouldn’t be a normal part of the football-going experience for women and yet it is, and it can be hard to know how to best react. Should I confront them and call it out? Just roll my eyes and sit down? 

You can’t be sure how it could escalate.  

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Football has always been a big part of my life. I would play with my cousins on a Sunday when they came to my nan’s. It was the highlight of my week. I liked how competitive it was and how it brought us together. 

I loved the feeling of going to my first game with them; the people-watching, the atmosphere, the buzz within the ground. Going to the football is more than just watching the game for me, it’s the feel of being a part of a community. 

It wasn’t uncommon for me to daydream about playing football while at school, though I would get grief from some boys about why I would want to play a boy’s game when I should go skipping with the girls instead. I was confused as to why as it didn’t feel like that with my family. 

It was only when I became a teenager and in my early twenties that I noticed how much normalised misogyny there was around the game. 

I regularly sat by a group of men who would sing about ‘tits’, ‘slags’ and make degrading comments to women. When I challenged them on it, saying it was sexist and made me feel uncomfortable, I was told I was ruining the fun and not to come anymore. 

I started to feel very sexualised if I wore my football shirt to games with comments like, ‘Nice shirt, but I bet what’s under it is better’ – so I stopped wearing it.  

I was also made to feel – by most men I spoke to about football – as though I couldn’t have an opinion on how the team played, that I couldn’t possibly know what the offside rule was or I’d be quizzed extensively on the team’s history to prove I was a real fan. 

Now, I want my eight-year-old daughter to feel like she belongs at the football, and that she can enjoy playing or watching it in an inclusive environment. I want her to feel safe and happy – that it’s her game too. 

For her it’s very normal to go to the football with a group of women and I like that. I want her to know that she should be able to talk about football and that no one should make her feel that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. 

We have made some progress in that regard.

EE’s Hope United, of which I am an ambassador, is focusing specifically on online abuse towards women, and I’m a great admirer of Her Game Too and their efforts to grow conversations about making football more inclusive and safer.

And I’d hope this World Cup could have the same atmosphere as we saw for the Women’s Euros Final – an atmosphere of fun, warmth and inclusion.

The game felt positive and not just because we were winning. When I went to the bar, instead of being leered at or made to feel like I didn’t belong, a man chatted to me about how good the goals were and how my retro shirt reminded him of watching the football when he was a teenager. It just felt like a completely different vibe.  

But we know that there’s a long way to go to make that sort of experience normal for all football.   

We know, for example, the relationship between England games and domestic abuse. A 2014 study found that reported cases of intimate partner violence increased by 38% when England lost and by 26% when they won or drew.   

We know, too, that pubs and bars pose a real risk for women at any time. This is a problem that is always there and that goes beyond football, but one that is often exacerbated when big games bring large numbers of people together.

Even a cursory look on social media in the aftermath of a high-profile story about abuse and football will show you how far we still have to go. 

When top players have been charged with abuse, you still see trolls leaving horrific comments about and to the victim, making threats and accusing them of ‘ruining the player’s life’.   

Like many others, I love football and I love the teams I support. But there should never be any connection between loving your team and doing, or saying, something abusive towards women. It’s a cowardly act that only serves to ruin the game for others. 

Football isn’t the cause of these acts, that blame lies solely with those committing them.

And it can’t be left to the victims of abuse to bear the burden of changing things. It needs to start with a zero-tolerance approach from all fans. 

Men, in particular, have a massive part to play in cutting out abusive or misogynistic behaviour by checking their own actions, and in calling out others. 

I want this World Cup to be memorable for all of the right reasons. I want to see joyous scenes from bars with limbs going everywhere as England score a last-minute winner in the Final (we can but dream). 

But win, lose or draw, we absolutely must think about how we can come together and make sure that watching football is a safe and inclusive experience for all – especially for women and girls – whether you’re watching at a game itself, a fan park, a pub, or at home.

Enjoy the tournament, please. But don’t cross the line.

If you’ve been affected by any of the issues discussed in this article, contact details for where you can find support can be found here.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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