What Value Do You Carry? By Adunke Olatunji

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You are here today because cooperation was highly valued by your ancestors. Their survival depended on it. Thus cooperation became a deeply ingrained instinct in humans, one that is waiting to guide you as you look for the people and groups in life that you can trust. But, you will not find those people unless those people see that they can trust you also.

How do people determine if they can trust you? They look at whether you share their values. They look at whether you are truly living their values and not just talking about them. They look at whether you are truly living your life with integrity, goodness, humility, honesty, fairness, loyalty, honor, kindness, patience and courage.

So, how do you build those values in yourself? How do you figure out if others share your values? Those questions and others are discussed below.

Circumstances may be forcing you to rely on people and groups today that you do not trust. However, when people are free to choose whom to trust, they usually make that choice based on shared values. You encounter a new person or group that might become important in your life and you immediately start to wonder, “Are they committed to doing the right thing? Will they back me when the going gets tough? Do they value what I value?” Just remember: they are probably asking those same questions about you.

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You build good values in yourself by continually acting on your intention to do the right thing. Through continually acting on your intention to do the right thing, doing the right thing becomes a habit that arises more spontaneously when you need it.

So why do the right thing when so many people don’t?
Because you know instinctively that doing the right thing will benefit you because it will result in others trusting you, cooperating with you and supporting you in getting what you need in life;
because you know instinctively that by doing the right thing you become the person you were meant to be – the best person you can be, who you are then proud of; because doing the right thing appears to be the only way humans will continue to survive on Earth.

Learning To Do The Right Thing
What is the right thing to do? How do you learn to recognize it, and then act on it? Life is usually happening too fast to stop and recall the information you have gathered. Instead you must learn to “feel your way” for the right thing to do. Feeling your way for the right thing to do is about finding the right balance of instincts, intentions and values that results in everyone involved being closer to their goals.

Finding that balance feels like standing on a balance board – one of those planks of wood that is resting on top of a cylinder in the middle. You place a foot on each end of the plank and try to balance yourself as the cylinder rolls beneath you. You sense your instincts, you sense your intentions and you sense what you value; and then you start to sense some balance of those where everyone involved is getting closer to their goals. Often that balance is found through shifting or redefining everyone’s goals, but that balance is never achieved through abandoning or relaxing your intention to stay true to what you value, or by not doing the right thing by everyone involved.

In situation after situation you practice finding that balance, and eventually doing the right thing becomes a habit that arises spontaneously in you. You will certainly fall off the plank, unexpectedly and often, and sometimes with a crash. Everyone does. When you do, remember that your creativity arises from those mistakes. So forgive yourself, figure out why you lost your balance, resolve to do better next time, and then get back on the plank. Do not worry endlessly about your falls and crashes; they are in the past and worrying about them can cripple you as you attempt to move forward in life. Just learn from your mistakes and move on.

A good rule of thumb for finding your balance here at every point in life is simply to do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Adunke Olatunji