The last person I blocked on WhatsApp asked for a photo. “Send a picture!” his message read the morning after we met, as soon as he had asked how my night was. It was as short as it was ambiguous. What did he mean? What kind of photo? He had not specified. I thought of stating this fact, but before I had the chance to, my phone beeped with another text from him. Just as short as the previous one, the message read: “How far?”
I had apparently wasted too much time trying to decipher the meaning of the first message, and he couldn’t wait. On a normal day, I would ask, “How far with what?” But wasn’t 2022 the year I was going to get married? It was either get hitched or nothing. There was no more time for sme sme. I had to be sharp. So, I went through my phone gallery, carefully selecting photos. I swiped left, then right, and left again, then some more right like I was on some dating app as I looked for the perfect photo. No, this won’t do. This? Nah! Still won’t do. Ah, yes, just the one! I finally found what I was looking for and sent it to him as quickly as my fingers would let me.
“Haha! Very hilarious!” his response came in immediately after.
Hilarious, how? What did he mean? Had I not done his bidding? Oh! He didn’t like the photo of the cute dog I sent. Didn’t he say a photo, though?
“Titi, stop! Send one of you,” he texted back.
Okay. Coming right up. Did he have anything in mind? A casual photo of me at home, at the beach, with friends, on a trip? Or something a little more formal – a studio shot, with my arms crossed over my chest or a hand under my chin and a smile plastered to my face?
“Just anything nice,” he responded.
Anything nice? What did that even mean? He had to be specific.
“Anything nice, really,” he repeated.
I did not have anything nice. Come to think of it, all the photos I had were on display on my Instagram page. Had he not asked for my Instagram handle along with my phone number?
“Send it already!”
Sigh! But he knew what I looked like. Or did he not get a good look at me during those hours we sat talking to each other like our lives depended on it when we met at that event?
“Okay, Titi! Never mind about the photo.”
Ah, thank God! I was relieved, but only for a moment till he texted, “So, what are you wearing?” My response was quick: Iro and buba lace with gele and nice heels.
“Really?” This came with a raised eyebrow smiley.
Of course, I liked looking my best at all times, even if it meant being dressed to the teeth in front of my laptop while writing a story for BN Prose. Did he want to know the colour of the lace, too?
He ignored my question and asked: “When are we seeing again na? You owe me a visit o!”
Just like that? Ahn Ahn! No chills for this bros at all. When did I ever promise to visit? I would give it to him though; he was a tad innovative. At least, he did not blurt out “Come to my house!” like his fellow men would start singing to me like a song on our first meeting. In fact, I would have to applaud him. It had taken him almost 24 hours after we met and exchanged numbers to tell me to visit. Boy, wasn’t he a keeper!
Creepy, Cheesy, or Just Plain Lazy?
Here’s the thing: I hate taking photos. I take them only when necessary. Still, it wouldn’t be the first reason why I would be reluctant to send photos to just about anyone. If I was chatting with my friend on the phone about a wedding I attended or someplace I visited and she asked that I send a photo, I’d be happy to oblige. If we were talking about a new dress I bought and she requested a photo, I’d send a couple without giving it a thought. But when some dude I recently met says “Send a photo” randomly without so much as an explanation, I wouldn’t be too keen to send one.
That we exchanged numbers does not mean that we are BFFs. Besides, if we just met yesterday or two, three days ago, why would you need a photo of me? You were probably attracted to what you saw when we met. It’s why you asked for my number in the first place. Someone asked for my number from a mutual friend when he saw my photos on her phone. After a phone call, he sent a message on WhatsApp requesting photos. I was confused. Did he not already see them?
Maybe I am overreacting a little to the “send a photo” message that I get ever so often from men. But I cannot be the only one who thinks the “what are you wearing?” text is weird, especially if we just met. Why do you want to know what I am wearing to bed at night if I am neither your girlfriend nor your best friend? What do you need that piece of information for? Not only is it creepy and cheesy, but it also reeks of laziness. It is probably the same question you are copy-pasting to 10 other women you are texting, along with “How was your night?” and “Have you eaten?” You cannot be bothered about putting extra effort into your communication with me. So, you ask “How was your night?” every single morning. Well, I am here chatting with you, how do you think my night was? Or “Have you eaten?” every other hour. Why? Do you want to send some food over? As far as I’m concerned, these questions are no better than the lazy “Hello” “Hi” and “Hey” messages. Hello, what? You haven’t said anything, and with so many things I have to worry about, racking my brain to figure out what you want is the last thing I want to do.
Don’t even get me started on “come to my house.” We have just met, and out of a thousand things you could possibly text me, this is what you choose. I’ve read it so many times that I now think of it as the default message of many men. “Hi! My name is Biodun. Come to my house!” Is there a school where men are taught to speak like this? We have barely said two words to each other, and you are asking me to come to your house. Is your house made of gold or is it built on water? What if you actually took your time to know me first, would that be such a bad thing?
As you guessed, Mr Send a Photo had to go when his demands got more persistent. I found them utterly annoying, especially as he said little else. If anything should end with 2022, it’s the cheesy, creepy and lazy texts. Let’s try to put a little more effort into our texts, shall we? Or not send them at all.
Ladies, are there texts you received from men that you think should go this year? Pray, do share!
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Photo by EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA for Pexels
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