My encounters with sex, alcohol, cigarette and hard drugs

I  tried to smoke because I was 100 per cent sure that cigarette can’t overpower or control me. I smoked for about four weeks when I was almost 24 years old. It was tasteless and made no sense to me. One day, I threw away the last butt of the cigarette and have never smoked again since then.

I chose to drink alcohol when I became an adult. I drank beer but it was not exciting. I saw my parents enjoy stout. I heard that the older you get, the better you like the bitterness of stout. But a few years into my 50s, I still have not got used to the bitter taste of stout. I tasted brandy, whisky, vodka, rum, gin and tequila and wondered why human beings should drink such stuff. Even when generously diluted with soft drinks, I still don’t fancy them. Only some types of champagne and rosé wine make some sense to me: those that are sweet-tasting. One or two glasses once in a while – usually at events. Sweetened beer, wine, and the like with low levels of alcohol also appeal to me. One or two glasses too at events.

I also took a decision that I will never get drunk. Once I drink to the level that sends me a message that I am close to the tipping point, I stop. Nobody can make me pour another spoonful of alcohol down my throat after that.

As a single man in my 20s – with my blood still hot and vibrant – I slept on the same bed or apartment with women not related to me in any way. I have been in private rooms or hotel rooms with women who were completely naked with the willingness and even request for lovemaking, but I didn’t go on because, for some reasons, I didn’t want to. When I choose not to, I cannot be cajoled or enticed to. When I choose to, it is my decision. As far as I am concerned, sex does not happen to me by mistake.

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In fact, if I decide to only smooch without lovemaking, I can do it effortlessly. If I decide to go on with lovemaking but withdraw at the most critical point, I can do it easily. I have never failed even once in that respect since I became sexually active. When some male friends tell me that they can’t do it, even in their marriage, I find it strange.

I can’t engage in rape. It is absolutely impossible. The moment a woman protests or cries or even shows displeasure or lack of interest, my sexual desire dies. It cannot be revived again throughout that period. It is incomprehensible to me how a man will be sexually aroused when he is using force and violence on a woman.

That is also why it is shocking to me when a man is caught in some sexual irresponsibility and he blames it on the devil or says: “I don’t know what came over me.” But I guess it is because the constitution of human beings is different.

The sexual force is one of the strongest forces on earth. Under the right conditions, many human beings (especially men) can resist money, ingestible substances, and power, but they find it extremely difficult to resist sex, especially when it is presented on a silver platter. That is why it is difficult to vouch for another person on issues of sex. The reason is that with other matters, you have the chance to think about them and consider taking them or not, but with sex, the libido takes control and suppresses the power of thought. There is an immediate rush of testosterone (for men) or oestrogen (for women). You feel that you will die if you don’t complete that sexual act. If you watch animal channels and see the uncontrollable frenzy during the mating season, it will give you an idea how powerful the sexual drive is. It can drive men and women crazy that they can act without the ability to restrain themselves.

I don’t know if I did anything special to be the way I am. But I think I have always been this way since my childhood. Maybe I added some discipline to it as I matured. That is why I have grown to show more understanding and empathy over people’s weaknesses, because I believe that despite the fact that human beings are expected to train themselves to be more disciplined and have self-control, people have different natural levels of libido and willpower. That is why I advise people never to do things because other people do it. For example, I can visit a woman in a hotel room for a meeting or chat and vice versa, knowing that nothing will happen between us. But I won’t advise anybody to do the same thing. I can do it because I know myself. You should choose only what you are sure you can do.

But it is not only on issues of sex, alcohol and cigarette that I have reacted like this. For example, I drank coffee for over a month in 1995 and it caused me some health scare because of the peptic ulcer I had from secondary school. From that year till today, I have been avoiding coffee even when I am told that it is decaffeinated. As much as its aroma excites and entices me to have a sip, I always say no, even though a doctor told me (and I have also experienced it) that the peptic ulcer is no longer active.

Similarly, in my mid-teens, I read some books and took a decision not to engage in any verbal or physical fights anymore. Despite how extremely difficult it is not to exchange words or blows when verbally or physically provoked or assaulted, I have been able to restrain myself for over three decades.

But despite my firm trust and belief in myself, there is an area I have never experimented with: hard drugs. The reason is simple. I believe that the moment I take any hard drug, it will dilute my willpower and suppress the power of my mind to think rationally and logically. I may no longer have the mental cognition and ability to decide whether to go on or stop. Even though my music idols like Bob Marley and Peter Tosh have glorified marijuana or cannabis as “herbs” or “grass”, and some countries have legalised it, I have studiously and intentionally avoided using it in whatever form. The only close I have got to it is its aroma which I perceive when I pass through an area where it is being smoked.

Some friends have told me that they experimented with cannabis when they were younger. They said that it had a strong effect on them the first time but they eventually got used to it. They eventually had to stop for one reason or the other.

But I also have relatives and friends who smoked it (and perhaps other substances) and didn’t end up well. Whether it was cannabis that caused their problems or that they added other substances to their cache, I don’t know. But I am aware that they started with cannabis.

An Igbo adage says that if the rat follows the lizard to play in the rain, the lizard will get dry, but the rat will not. That saying points to individual uniqueness and peculiarity. At the entrance to Apollo’s temple at Delphi in Greece, the inscription “Know thyself” was carved into a stone. Self-knowledge is critical in navigating the road of life. Bob Marley sang that the road of life is rocky and you may stumble too. Therefore, to ensure that you don’t run into trouble, it is very important to know yourself and what you have the capacity to resist and what you should avoid completely.

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