Jonathan, Emefiele: Two of a Strange Species By Femi

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In this hot build-up to the 2023 general election, we are faced with hard choices. We are confronted with despicable characters. Worst still, two of these appalling species stand out. And for the very wrong reasons.
They are shoulders high above the strange pack. You cannot mistake them for any other. They are the undisputable ridiculous of all times.
By their sour fruits you would know them: Former President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan and Godwin Emefiele, Governor, Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN).
They represent nothingness, emptiness and the likes. Jonathan wants to be President one more time. Emefiele aspires to move from being bank governor to President. This man has lost his bearing.
He didn’t remind himself what those ones went through. The hell they saw on their way to power. That their different roads to government houses were rough, tough and tedious. It was like the biblical camel passing through the eye of a needle.
He was totally ignorant. Their paths were richly laced with unending nightmares, manipulations, landmines. That’s the norm in this our absurd clime. It’s the unwritten aspect of our highly flawed and skewed constitution.
And accepted as the only way to go. That is why we remain where we are today. Emefiele is daily contributing his own unsolicited quota.
He is trying hard to be a factor. He wants to be accepted. Perhaps, the reason is running the CBN the way he’s dastardly running it. He holds the economy by the jugular. He has taken it “from top to bottom.” He has his eyes on the presidency. His resolve, he must de-fix the country upside down.
So? In his desperation, he gets things mixed up. He created the mess he currently finds himself in. He can’t discern between elective and appointive posts.
Appointive post is a favour. The appointee is at the mercy of the one who appoints him. He remains there at the whims and caprices of his employer.
Not so with elective post. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. He calls the shots and damns the consequences. In Nigeria, he is a law on us his electors. Immediately he is elected, he becomes a small god. And he lords himself on us wickedly. It is not a matter of choice, we must abide by his reign and rule. In the process, he ruins us.
The reason Emefiele is nursing a misplaced ambition. It makes him lose his senses. He sees all this, he can’t possibly hold himself back. He opts for “roforofo fight.” Unreserved apologies to the legendry Fela Anikulapo-Kuti.
Emefiele, just see yourself. Hear yourself out. You are still holding sway in the CBN. You think you can use that to become landlord of Aso Rock. What idiotic guts! Nobody does that. It does not work out that way.
There are distinct procedures for the two. And they are poles apart. They have never met. They will not meet for Emefiele now or in the farthest future.
Wait a minute, I’m almost forgetting Jonathan. He is being unduly put on the back burner. No. That is not where he belongs. His appropriate place is the front burner. And that is where he must be rightly situated. Any other place is a gross disservice.
Jonathan’s case is pathetic and hopeless. Full of booby traps. He falls comfortably into them one after the other. Just as if he’s forever cursed by angry gods.
Sad and saddening! He does not know what he wants and how to get it. He keeps on dilly-dallying and staggering all the way. Always fumbling, stumbling, hobbling and goofing at the same time.
He is rarely in the lead. His supporters are in disarray. He hardly carries them along. And they are thinning down and out by the day. A testament by Bashir Ahmad, President Muhammadu Buhari’s aide on new media. It seals it all:
“When I shared the news of former President Jonathan joining our party (APC), his uninformed supporters insulted me, saying that can never happen even in the wildest dream.
“They should know that we know something they don’t know and not everything plan and execute (sic) on social media.” An attestation like no other. Apt and cute.
Emefiele has a different case but with the same goal. His is utterly dubious and deceitful. He pretends to know what he wants. So, he feigns how to get it. Meaning, he has a messier case at hand.
He lives in a world of complete fantasy. He strives hard to showcase what he does not have. He is bewildered by his imagined smartness.
He wants to appear unpredictable with uncommon prowess. He ends up being a monumental disaster and, of course, easily predictable. He’s a classical example of double-speak with a loud mouth.
We should be wary of such an unreliable and cunning character, neither here nor there. That is not a strong character needed for the presidency. Not even at any point in our national life. He won’t do us any good. It’s a conviction.
We have our genuine reason(s). Emefiele actually tried some “deadly” tricks to do us in. He took ridiculous measures to stay afloat. He was stubborn to show the kind of bizarre stuff he’s unluckily made of. He was and still is desperate in his modus operandi.
Cashing in on one Augustine Eddiego, a proxy, of course, he approached the court. For what, you would want to ask: “An order restraining the defendants from treating the provision of Section 9 of the Central Bank of Nigeria Act, 2007, as amended, as a bar on the Governor and Deputy Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria from seeking political offices pending the hearing and determination of the motion on notice herein in this suit which borders on the interpretation and supremacy of the 1999 CFRN.”
Can you imagine? You can’t! That particular Section 9 provides: “The governor and the deputy governors (of CBN) shall devote the whole of their time to the service of the bank and while holding office shall not engage in any full or part-time employment or vocation whether remunerated or not, except such personal or charitable causes as may be determined by the board and which do not conflict with or detract from their full-time duties.”
Very clear and unambiguous provision. But Justice D.C. Maidoh, Delta State High Court, Kwale, thought otherwise. On May 5, 2022, he granted the order: “In the circumstances, in line with Order 39, Rule 3, of our rules, this motion is hereby granted. The motion on notice is accordingly adjourned to May 25, 2022, for hearing.”
His seeming last words: “The applicant is to enter an undertaking, if the order sought ought not to have been made.”
Emefiele was full of life. Armed with Maidoh’s pronouncement, he gleefully took it to Buhari, his mentor. That was Thursday, May 17, 2022. He was majestic in his approach.
Walking out on Buhari after subduing him, he beat his fleshy chest. And, backed by the principalities and powers of Aso Rock, pronounced from his loud mouth: “Let them (Nigerians) have heart attack. I am having a lot of fun.”
What an uncouth, arrogant statement. Clearly intoxicated. This man is obviously carried away by his position. He forgets easily that he is just a civil servant like many others. Yes, even as a CBN governor.
He should seek advice from those before him. And he has them in legion. They came, they saw. Some conquered, some others didn’t. They messed up the system as Emefiele is doing right now.
Governors come, governors go, the CBN remains “kampe.” No shaking. Nothing missing. Nothing broken.
Emefiele will soon be history. He has no viable alternative. Yes, confined and curtailed to the dirty dustbin of our ugly past.
He is apparently not done yet. He took it very personal. He did not care a hoot. He was recklessly overwhelmed: “There is no news now, but there will be news. You heard me, I said there is no news but there will be news.”
That clearly depicted the depth of his deeply confused mind. He wanted to pretend not to care. But he lied. Exposed! He was piqued and pained. The unkind reactions to his presidential ambition rattled him. They roughened his feathers.
He never expected what he got from us. He took us for granted. He thought we are all hailers. We told point blank. There are no hailers among us. We are all wailers. And we are exceedingly glad and proud we are.
The reason he feigned bravery and audacity. Truth is that Emefiele has none of that. He’s not cut for that. What you don’t have, you can’t give; no matter the magnitude of your pretension.
You are what you are. A leopard changeth not. Its spots remain the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. You don’t exchange your unique identity. It sticks.
Man Emefiele is living in a complete fools’ paradise. You are seeking our votes and deriding us at the same time. Stranger than vision.
What does he take election to be? A boardroom meeting? Or one big tea party, where your cling classes?
Tell him. Let him know. Election is decided on the field through the ballot box. And the voters you are wishing heart attack are to make it happen.
Yes. Like it or lump it. The choice is yours.

 


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