I’m avoiding another affair after genotype issue ruined my relationship – Teacher

Twenty-five-year-old lady, Lauryn Eferusuoa, speaks to TEMITOPE ADETUNJI on how her relationship ended and why it is important for people to know their genotypes before going into a relationship

What is your occupation?

I’m a secondary school teacher.

There was a trending post where you said your relationship ended because of genotype difference. What really happened?

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Well, I met this guy during my youth service programme and we started talking and became interested in one another.

Where and when did you serve?

I served in Nkerefi community, Enugu State, in 2022. We courted for almost a year. So, when I was about to round off for youth service, he started telling me how he wanted to settle down. We started talking about our genotypes and I informed him that I am AS. He was shocked because he is AS too and he made it known as well that he is AS.

So, I asked him why he didn’t tell me all this while, but he told me he assumed I was AA and that was why he didn’t bother talking about it. He said he never knew the relationship was going to be serious. However, after my Passing-out-Parade, I went back to Delta State. We had to end the relationship. We are good friends, but we are no longer dating; we all know that AS and AS cannot end up together. It is not even advisable.

Why didn’t you find out your boyfriend’s genotype early enough before the affection between the two of you became stronger?

 I don’t want to look desperate; you know when you start asking guys too many questions, it will look as if you are trying to put words in their mouths. So, I just kept quiet and I didn’t know that we were going to take it to the next level.

What were you told about your genotype and that of your boyfriend who is now your ex?

We didn’t seek any advice from anyone because both of us knew that AS and AS cannot get married, and we couldn’t take such a risk. Therefore, we had to let it go.

How old are you?

I am 25, while he is 35.

How were you able to handle past relationships before you met your boyfriend?

Well, past relationships have been great. I dissolved them due to personal reasons, not because of genotype difference.

How did you feel the moment you found out that your boyfriend was AS?

Honesty speaking, I felt bad about it; I cried because it was painful. This guy was a caring and a very lovable man. When he told me he is AS, I was dumbfounded, at that moment, I don’t know what to say. It wasn’t funny that day; there was this long silence between both of us, and it was a shock.

What was his reaction?

He was surprised; he said I never asked the question. So, he felt that I was AA because of the boldness I had.

Did you try to convince him to do otherwise; that is go ahead with the relationship?

No, I didn’t, even though I was pained. It wasn’t like we made an agreement to go our separate ways; in fact, we talk every day up till now, but ending the relationship happened naturally because both of us know that it can’t work. He studied genetics. So, if I had brought up a suggestion of adopting children, I might sound selfish. He actually said that there was nothing we could do about that. Also, his church will not accept such, including his parents.

But we actually wished one of us was AA. If that was the case then, things would have turned out differently.

What was the reaction of his family members, especially his parents, when it dawned on them that the two of you have unfavourable genotypes?

Well, I have not met his family. If things had worked out the way we wanted, I might have followed him to Imo State to meet his people. I actually know his close circle in the environment where he stays in Enugu and that is where he runs his business.

 Were your parents or relatives aware of the relationship?

Only my mum and a few of my friends were aware of the relationship. So, I told my mum about what happened and she said I should allow God’s will to be done and that I should forget about any possibility of getting married to him. She consoled me and prayed for me; she told me all of that happened because we weren’t meant to be with each other.

How were you able to handle the situation?

Well, coming back to Warri, Delta State where I was no longer seeing him wasn’t really easy. It was one of the reasons why I made the post on a Christian group on social media. Handling the situation has not been easy. So, whenever I feel overwhelmed, at times, I will burst into tears and pray to God. Sometimes, thinking about the fact that he is still going to end up with someone else used to break me because anyone that ends up with him is going to be happy; he is a very good man. You know in this world, we ladies hardly trust men and there is this popular slang of ‘we no dey trust man finish’. I can attest that he is a very good man, someone I so much trust. He cares so much about me. I feel jealous of that lady he is going to end up with because he is an amazing person.

Have you moved on or do you think there will be a change of mind from your former boyfriend?

I have not moved on and I am not ready to go into a new relationship. Moving on has been difficult for me; I am so much in love with him. I just need to heal; I don’t want to jump into a relationship and jump out. I just want God to bring me a man of my own. I have not healed; I came back from Enugu State some months ago.

What is the message to couples who rush into marriage without finding out their genotype?

For ladies, most times we don’t know the relationship that will work out; before we start falling in love, we should stylishly ask for the genotype of the other person so that it won’t end in tears. It is also the same with men. Just throw the question jokingly in a conversation, especially if you are AS. If you are AA, you don’t need to bother yourself.

What story did your parents tell you about not checking and finding out their genotypes before marriage?

Though my dad is AA, when I told my mum about the genotype issue, she actually said I should have asked him earlier. She said that was the only fault I had. She also said that in the olden days, because of illiteracy, when children were dying, it was because of sickle cell disease, whereas some people thought it was as a result of evil forces.

Are you of the view that there should be more enlightenment campaigns on the need for intending couples to find out their genotypes before marriage?

Yes, I am totally in support of this; it will make a very positive impact. Someone else is passing through this situation of mine and other people will also pass through it. I think it is a good thing to enlighten people to find out their genotypes before marriage even before you engage in intercourse with the other person.

I have a friend who got pregnant. Even though she wasn’t aware of her genotype, she knew the guy who got her pregnant was AS. So, when she started attending antenatal, the doctor asked her for her genotype, she said she didn’t know. She did her genotype test immediately and luckily for her, she is AA. So, what if she was AS, it would have been a disaster. A lot of people are in this situation.