How corpers found love during service, battled ethnic, religious biases

Former members of the National Youth Service Corps who found love and married their colleagues after their service year share their stories with VICTOR AYENI on how they fell in love, the challenges they encountered in their relationships, and how their marriages have stood the test of time

Samuel and Mary Taegar have been married for four years. While their marital journey has not been all rosy, they are a happy couple with two lovely kids and a home they can call theirs.

But that would not have been possible if their path had not crossed at the ‘family house’ of the Nigerian Christian Corpers Fellowship, Keffi, Nasarawa State in 2015, when Samuel was the ‘papa’ of the house.

The relationship started as a brother-sister affair and progressed to spiritual mentorship before the fire of love was kindled.

Since then, the flame has been burning.

When our correspondent visited the family’s residence at Magboro, nestled in the Obafemi Owode Local Government Area of Ogun State, he was ushered into the beautiful abode by the couple, who beamed with radiant smiles.

Their living room was tastefully furnished. A framed photograph of their wedding conspicuously hung in the background, with the pictures of their two sons adorning each side of the wall.

The lovebirds giggled as if they just met, as they recalled with nostalgia their first meeting.

It was Samuel that spoke first.

“We both belonged to the Nigerian Christian Corpers’ Fellowship during our NYSC. I was the ‘papa’ of the fellowship. Mary’s batch was just coming into the family house, while my set was about to leave.

“One of my executives informed me that she (Mary) was the vice president of the Winners campus fellowship in Abuja and they both attended the same church.

“When I heard this, I told him she could be one of those we could trust and include on the next list of fellowship executives. So, I went to meet Mary and we talked, but she declined the prospect of being elected as an executive.

“But from that day, we just talked casually. She later moved out of the family house to the accommodation provided by her place of primary assignment, yet she regularly visited the family house and often waited behind to chat and laugh with her friends after each programme.

“At that time, due to my position as a leader, she would often approach me to ask some questions about the scriptures and I would explain them to her. I observed that she loved to know more about God and I began to take interest in her.

“From there, we exchanged phone numbers and we often talked on the phone. At that time, I felt nothing about pursuing a relationship and there was nothing between us up till the time I handed over and left the family house,” he stated.

On her part, Mary said the first sign she got was when she unwittingly appeared in the background of a picture Samuel took during one of the NCCF programmes.

She believed it was not a coincidence.

“One shocking thing about that picture was that it was taken while we were in camp on a Sunday at NCCF. That day, Samuel came to the camp as one of the zonal coordinators. We were in the camp to meet the coordinators, who were trying to encourage us on our posting. I never knew I was seated at the back of the man who would later become my husband.

“It was when we were dating, and he was in Lagos while I was in Keffi, still serving, that he was going through his pictures and he sent that particular one to me. I was shocked. That is the mysterious way that God works.

“After Samuel left the NCCF family house and got a job in Lagos, my singing talent became known to the executives and they finally convinced me to accept the position of a music director. During that period, I frequently chatted Sam to tell him about my ministrations and it was later I learned that he started to develop feelings for me,” she said.

Weeks before Samuel summoned the courage to ask Mary out, he had been anxious, wondering what her reaction would be.

When he finally opened up, he was shocked as she started crying.

He said, “I had prayed about it and even fasted to be sure about the move I was about to make. One night, I told her that I wanted us to start a relationship and I asked her to go pray about this. She broke down in tears and I was surprised because I didn’t know what she had in mind before. Anyway, she promised to give me a response.

“The next day, I didn’t make any reference to my proposal, we just talked normally. After two or three weeks, I then asked her about what I said and she agreed for us to be in a relationship. From there, we began to share our life plans and visions and we became very close. When she finished her service in 2016, she also relocated to Lagos.”

At the time Mary relocated to Lagos, Samuel had barely started working for a year and was not financially buoyant.

Notwithstanding, after several calls and contacts, she got a job.

Describing the pressure he was under while preparing for the wedding, Samuel said, “We had picked a date for our wedding but then we started having some issues. One of them was finance.

“We got accommodation but when I was given the list of items for the traditional marriage and I calculated the bill, I saw that my financial might couldn’t bear it. I came under intense pressure and on some days, she would say some things and I would flare up because all that was in my head was how to get more money.

“But she helped me; she told her pastor about what I was going through and he called me and encouraged me. He met with us, prayed and counselled us. Two months before our wedding, siblings, friends, and church members supported us, gave us money and that was how we got married in 2019.”

We didn’t allow religion divide us – The Odukoyas

Folarin and Gbemisola Odukoya met in Sokoto State during their NYSC in 2010.

Although the couple both hailed from Ogun State, their religious identities were from two ends of the spectrum.

With an excited tone, Mrs Odukoya told our correspondent how their relationship began as a friendship between two corpers and morphed into a love affair that had survived against all odds.

She said, “I met my husband in Sokoto State during our NYSC between March 2010 and 2011. We were both friends actually, so there was nothing like a relationship between us. But on the day of our passing out parade, he walked up to me and asked me out. I was shocked.

“All along, he had been asking me many questions that I didn’t foresee that he was going to finally ask me out. When he approached me and asked me out, I said, ‘Okay, you are handsome and intelligent, but we can’t be in a relationship.’

“This time, we weren’t talking about dating because at that time, everybody was anticipating a serious relationship, not dating, and I was a Jehovah’s Witness and he was attending Winners Chapel. I told him that we couldn’t be in a relationship because we didn’t share the same beliefs.

“He told me that he knew what he wanted, that even his father, who was a pastor, would not allow him to marry from my belief system, so we got along. But I kept wondering if I would be able to cope with this guy and what bothered me the most was how I would tell my parents, but I trusted in God that if he was truly my husband, things would work out eventually.”

When Folarin told his father about Gbemisola and introduced her as one who studied the bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses, he was alarmed and he disapproved of the relationship.

Mrs Odukoya continued, “His father said Jehovah’s Witnesses were ‘hard hearted’ and couldn’t be steered from their beliefs. He in fact said I was pretending.

“But he still invited me over and I went. Then he asked me, ‘Are you sure you want to marry my son?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ My father-in-law was trying to avoid a situation in which after marriage I would want to be attending the Kingdom Hall and that could generate issues, but I told him that I had made my decision to marry his son.

“But in my family, there was much pressure, particularly from my aunt, siblings, and parents. They kept badgering me with questions like, ‘How would you go and marry somebody from a church?’ I urged them to consider my personal feelings, emotion, and experience.

“The person I was in a relationship with, when I went for NYSC, he just ended the relationship and that one was a Jehovah’s Witness. But this man I am now seeing has all the qualities that I want in a man. I didn’t think religion should be a reason for me to reject a person when even the man with whom I shared a religion treated me in such a manner.”

Because of her decision, only three of Gbemisola’s siblings attended her wedding.

Many of them shunned the event because she did not marry a man who shared her faith.

She noted that this did not bother her because her husband assured her that as long as she had the blessing of her parents, there was no problem.

Gbemisola added, “My mother had invited Folarin to ask if he would allow me to attend the Kingdom Hall after our marriage. Initially, I didn’t want him to go see my mother; I presumed what my mother would ask him and I asked him to tell her he would acquiesce to my attending the Kingdom Hall.

“He refused to say that and I was scared. When we met my mother, she countered the accusation from our family that my husband lured me into his religion. She told me, ‘Did he not tell you he attends Winners? If he hadn’t told you, then we would say he deceived you, but he told you from the start.’

“When she asked if my husband would allow me to attend the Kingdom Hall, he told her that as long as I was under his roof, I would be attending his church. That made my mother like him because he demonstrated that he was a truthful man.

“To the glory of God, we got married in December 2012 and since then, we have never had a heated argument. We have been enjoying each other and we have two children now (a boy and a girl). I am very happy.”

We dumped our lovers – The Bisilimis

When Adeola and Kemi Bisilimi were deployed to serve in Oyo State for the NYSC in 2013, they never imagined by any stretch of their imaginations that they would become husband and wife.

Adeola, during an interview with Sunday PUNCH, stated that although his wife belonged to a different batch, they both stayed in the same corpers’ lodge.

“We met during NYSC when we served in Ogbomoso, Oyo State, in 2013. I was a Batch B corper, while she was in Batch C. We lived in the same corpers’ lodge and her room was beside mine. She had someone she was dating then, while I was also dating a lady who was an undergraduate at the Ladoke Akintola University of Technology, Ogbomoso.

“We started out as friends and we started getting close. But anytime the guy she was dating was around, I felt jealous and I would usually play this Mario Vasquez song titled ‘Gallery.’ A part of the lyrics says, ‘I can’t take seeing you with him because I know exactly what you’ll be in his gallery…’ She got confused; she knew she deserved more, someone who would love and adore her but his money was hard to ignore.’

“The lyrics of that song depicted what she was facing in her relationship then, so from there, we started getting closer.

“During my service year, there was a time a girl also came to visit me in my lodge and spent two weeks with me. Kemi knew this and I just noticed that throughout the girl’s stay, she (Kemi) didn’t answer me anytime I greeted her. Even the girl noticed and later told me, ‘Do you know that Kemi likes you?’ To be sincere, I was shocked,” he said.

Adeola also recalled that during NYSC, one of his friends in the lodge also liked Kemi, but the relationship did not work out.

However, despite the emotional connection he shared with Kemi, the physical distance was a challenge.

“What ignited the love between Kemi and me was the fact that I was having problems in my relationship as she was and it didn’t take long before I broke up with my girlfriend and she broke up with her guy also and that was how we began dating.

“At first, we had issues with distance when we started the relationship. She lived in Ilorin, while I lived in Lagos, so we were really concerned about how things would work out. And you know, she had never been to Lagos before; she lived in Ilorin all her life.

“On the night before our passing out parade, we were together and she cried her eyes out, expressing her doubt that I was ever going to come back to her, that I’m a typical Lagos guy. She thought I would leave her, but I promised I was going to come to visit her in two weeks and that I did,” he said.

Adeola told our correspondent that it was when they experienced a major break-up that he realised his heart was always with Kemi and he would marry her.

“I visited her and spent a week in Ogbomoso that year (2013) and after she passed out from NYSC, she also came to visit me at home in Lagos, although she had to sneak to come to see me. That was the first time she ever visited Lagos.

“During the time we were dating, we broke up twice. The physical distance between us was a challenge and even when we broke up, I still call her every day. I couldn’t explain why I just kept calling this girl but it was at that point that I realised I couldn’t do without her. We finally got married in 2017 and we now have three kids,” he stated.

Our love was threatened by ethnicity – The Utovs

For Hilary and Anurika Utov, it was definitely not love at first sight.

Theirs was a love that was tested in the crucible of ethnic, religious and social differences.

Hilary, during a phone interview with our correspondent, recalled his disappointment when NYSC deployed him in Edo State.

The Benue State indigene was repelled by the starkly negative stereotypes he had been fed about the state and the ladies whom he would possibly meet in the camp.

He said, “Our NYSC camp was in Okada town. It happened that the lady who later became my wife, Anurika, was among the quarter guards, while I was the leader of platoon five; we were both in the same platoon. You know, the quarter guards are usually stationed at the entrance of the NYSC camp gate and they are often exempted from platoon activities. They practise their marching day in, day out, so we don’t usually see them.

“The only times we had contact with the quarter guards were the period all corpers were out on parade to take attendance with their platoon leaders. Most of the time, corpers had to search for their platoon leaders to take their attendance, but I would take the attendance to the quarter guards. Anurika later told me that this was one of the first things that got her attention, and it continued this way.”

On a certain day, however, Hilary failed to take attendance to the quarter guards and they came to him for this purpose.

One of the guards was Anurika, but she did not seem to be pleased with the arrangement and she did not hide her displeasure.

“I didn’t know what was wrong with her that day but I noticed that she was not cheerful. She snapped at me, ‘Can I take my attendance and just go, please?’ I looked at her and thought, ‘This one didn’t even greet me, and she just wanted to take attendance. Is it because I have been going to meet you people?’ I deliberately delayed her that day and I saw that it made her really angry. Eventually, I took her attendance and she left.

“So, there was a particular day, after a series of competitions in camp, I was seated close to the mammy market. I saw her walk by to get some food and I noticed she was looking downcast as if she was ill. I walked up to her and asked what was wrong.

“After a while, she opened up to me that she had an ulcer. I had suffered ulcer myself and in fact, I brought ulcer medicines with me to the camp. It then occurred to me that the food she was going to buy would trigger her ulcer, so I persuaded her to let us get some food together at the mini-market.

“I would say that was our first unofficial outing. I ordered bread and egg and they prepared some noodles for her. I recall that on that day, I was so stressed out that I couldn’t eat. I only took a bite out of the meal but she was hungry and finished her food and even helped me eat my food too. That made me want to know more about her,” he said.

When Hilary and Anurika began to get to know each other, it became clear to both of them that they were from markedly different ethnic and religious backgrounds.

Hilary said, “I am Catholic, while she was a Seventh-Day Adventist. I worship on Sundays, whereas Adventists worship on Saturdays. I am from Benue State in the Middle Belt, while she is Igbo, from Abia State. And from the kind of background in which I was brought up, my dad is a retired force officer while she is from a somewhat reserved family.

“So, even while being mindful of these differences, I still liked her because she was very open. I could see she wasn’t trying to be who she wasn’t or faking a lifestyle. From there, I picked an interest in her though I didn’t tell her how I was endeared to her personality.

“I didn’t see a possibility that whatever existed between us would go beyond friendship. And I didn’t ask if she was in a serious relationship herself, but I just knew that we connected during that first meeting.”

Towards the last week of camp, sadness descended on both Hilary and Anurika like a blanket.

In addition to the differences they had, they were now about to be separated by the gulf of physical distance.

Earlier, Anurika had redeployed to Owerri in Imo State, a move calculated to bring her closer to Port Harcourt, where her family resided. Now, with her redeployment letter in her hands, she felt drained of happiness and hope.

However, after a few days of leaving the NYSC camp, Hilary said she suddenly called to inform him that she had worked her redeployment back to Edo State.

He added, “When I saw her sincerity and the drastic decisions she took for us to be closer, I realised this was going to be more than friendship and I decided to give it a trial and that was how we started dating.

“We passed out of service in October 2019, got engaged in 2021, and got married in February 2022. Two months ago, we celebrated our one-year anniversary and we are now blessed with a baby boy.”

Speaking of the challenges they experienced while they started dating, Hilary explained that Anurika had been in a relationship with a man from her ethnic group, although her parents disapproved of it.

“When I came on board, her parents didn’t give their approval because they didn’t understand that Benue is in the Middle Belt; many people think of us as northerners.

“Her parents were concerned that she brought someone who stayed far away in the North for marriage whose family they couldn’t trace or do background research on to be sure that their daughter was getting married into a good home.

“It was a serious challenge, and I remember Anurika told me she stood her ground that she wasn’t going to get married to anybody else. To her credit, she didn’t tell me the details of what transpired in her family and what she had to put up with because she didn’t want me to be discouraged,” he explained.

Another objection raised by Anurika’s parents was that Hilary was not really working since he recently completed his NYSC.

He said at that time, he was freelancing as a digital manager.

Hilary said, “I knew deep within me that I wouldn’t be able to cater to both of our needs, but my wife was willing to build and grow with me; she was willing to support and contribute to anything we wanted to do.

“Her ex was affluent and even when we were serving, another guy was coming to her in Benin and using gifts to try to woo her to the point that even her roommates who knew me well were telling her, ‘There is nothing wrong if you eat from these two.’ But she stood her ground.

“After a long back and forth, Anurika’s parents approved of the relationship and my parents approved of it as well. There was no pressure from my family at all.”

NYSC relationships need counselling

The NYSC was started in May 1973 as part of efforts to heal the wounds of the civil war that deeply fragmented the various segments of the country.

Some of the goals of the scheme include achieving national cohesion, ethnic unity and religious tolerance.

The initiative has led to many inter-tribal marriages and promoted unity among the more than 250 tribes in the country.

However, a relationship counsellor, Mrs Eunice Ikudaisi, said unresolved ethnic and religious differences could cause problems for relationships forged during youth service.

She urged corpers in love with their colleagues to seek counselling and talk things through before starting their marital journey.

A marriage counsellor, Mr Bode Aremo, told Sunday PUNCH that corpers who found love during national service needed guidance due to the situation of the economy.

He said, “Decades ago, when you are a corper, companies would be waiting to recruit you but with what is on ground, many graduates spend years after service before they get jobs and when you already have someone you love and you have that pressure, it can be quite difficult, especially as a man.

“That is why there is a need for proper counselling for corpers who are into serious relationships forged during their service years, otherwise there would be challenges and it could be hard to sustain these relationships.”