Gaining Confidence in widowhood—By Adunke Olatunji

Many times appearance determines the manner with which someone can be approached. But, in most cases, no situation or status of any individual announces its position unless it is revealed. There is no tag or specific nature of appearance of man that tells whether married, single, divorced or widowed. The maxim, that says the way you are dressed determines the way you would be addressed is always on point as regards our mood, look and appearance. Widowhood is not a blemish and, does not subject the spouse to automatic pity-induced state for people to sympathize with rather; it is one of the ways life is lived.

It is essential to establish that the state of mind plays a comprehensive role in articulating with people. So, wearing a dull look and portraying sober mood could easily display a pointer of what you are or going through.

Being melancholic, ordinarily says much about the person.

In consonance with the above, our subject is centered on how can someone whose partner (spouse) has passed on manage the situation without carrying it around as a burden and still operates in the right sense of mind and look. The ability to suppress every tendency of pensive mood is a function of psychological disposition. For a bereaved person to fully be in charge and control of him or herself there must have been personally engaged thoughts and counter thoughts for final decision to be made. The state of mind is a great determinant concerning this as much as the maturity level. Maturity here is in terms of experience or by intuition.

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Lessons or experience could easily be drawn from people around or those witnessed. The Christians or the Muslims may be preached to using various characters in their respective scriptures who have shared such experiences in the past. Whatever being the case, personal resolution is key. It is like having a personal encounter – and the experience varies from one person to another.

When a widow/widower understands the fact that the dead cannot come back to life again, it would not be difficult for him or her to accept the predicament and be determined to move on – this would be a relief to him or her.  The energy dissipated in an ugly condition can be utilized to score high points in the race to achieve better things. Though the tradition may demand certain level of compliance but the ability to loose from the fold and embrace freedom is important. One may decide to explore the following so as to return to normal life:

Proceed on holiday: This helps a lot. Seeing oneself in a happy mood encourages joy. Holidaying is a period of relaxation and disengagement from various activities that have become monotonous. Surrounded by beautiful and colourful scenery with enjoyable activities like swimming, gaming, devouring different intercontinental foods e.t.c can drive sorrow away.

Changing of environment: There is a change in attitude , thinking and behaviour whenever relocation occurs. It does not matter the period of stay, it usually comes with lasting memories especially when making new friends, engagement in totally different activities aside from the ones that one is used to.

Employing or visiting professionals: Different people would make their advice available but prominent among all these are the Counsellors. They have arrays of life experiences thereby extending the services in ways that will proffer solution, communicate succour and see life from different perspectives. They also have a positive potential influences on the advisee as they watch, monitor and manage degree of changes in the life.

Rooted deeply in the scriptures; this is another life change encounter in the life of individuals. A sudden death of a partner may trigger a great change. The most critical and potent weapon is the Word of God. This is usually used to administer to the bereaved because it is believed only God can comfort and manage the mind in that period. As time goes on, these words sink and the spouse will eventually change having therefore, left all, a new life begins as he/she treasures the new salvation with the believe that death is an inevitable end. And beyond death, that the   hope of eternal life is the focus.

When all the above are clinically and religiously applied in a bereaved situation the status will be well managed and joy rather than sorrow is a sure result.

Adunke Olatunji

President

Tabitha New Life Foundation

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