By Olusegun Fashakin
It becomes violent to the victim when the force of superiority becomes so evident in the sufferer who has been helpless for defence due to sentiments or prejudice to tradition embedded in a toxic relationship. It is in the interest of the target to identify the shades of violence to abolish the acts of oppression in all cases of insincerity to mankind. The sting of pain that aggravates to death is painful enough to tear apart the once lovely built home and gives a loud torrent of division which may never be reconstituted.
The seed had been sown since the beginning of humanity in training the succeeding generation before the full blown of wrath. Children inherit from parents both psychologically and physically through modelling and pedagogy found in ancient patterns of home growing as acquired from books and transit education. The gaps are widened with transformation from one age to another and the scripts get tinkered. A dichotomy that may linger for a very long time until the peak is reached before the correction takes another dimension.
Gender inequality didnt just start in this dispensation, it grew worse with beliefs not established with substantial facts. Myths didnt help matters either, the falsehood travelled faster to the unsuspecting generations, circumspect authorities and delivered to broken and shoddy individuals. The rule of a particular sex taking control over another transcends through ignorance peddled with sentiments that have been laced with bigotry. The source of these obstinate assertions is not founded in truth and facts. So, it is baseless to fight incomprehension.
The monster kept staring and the solution was not immediate but the gory cases wont stop rising. The dust swirls for a while and settles on injustice for the same reason of improper classification. Gender is not in authority but in role playing to complement one another. The division is not to incapacitate another based on strength or weakness. If we claim weakness on the part of the female, then the strength for the man is incapable of defending her when he sees her as an enemy to combat with his fist and knuckles. To the woman, she feels defensive with the man by her side, it is betrayal to find the defender attacking the defenceless.
The violence is vice-versa because the men are also victims of battery from some stronger women. This should not take away the content of this article as it is wrong to raise your hand against a fellow human because you are stronger. The reason is defeated when a covenant holds either party to comply with in marriage or contract of any sort. This unruly act flashes at the beginning of the journey and may be ignored for so many reasons. Love, they claim blindfolds them to pay less attention to a serious matter of bullying and intimidation, the aftermath is what gives serious concern.
From childhood to adulthood, training is important and every phase shouldnt be compromised. It is an aberration to allow secondment of your responsibilities as parents to caregivers absolutely. As urgent as the assistance of house-help is, especially for couples that are occupied with other obligations, the role of moral education shouldnt be assigned the same. The order of hierarchy plays a major role in the development of appropriate tutelage to the wards. If it is distinct in distribution of roles, it should be the sole responsibility of the parents to enforce discipline while other contacts take cues from your established moral standard in your children.
With the high level of indecencies among the future generation, the fastest lane to destruction awaits the tolerating spouse. The silence breeds capacity for the demon to berate sanity; this wild partner would always prowl at every provocation and then apologises to undermine the havoc. The cycle continues and the oppression becomes invincible to many relatives who could render help, even when the signs are boldly written on the wall. Some minor injuries as a result of this predatory attitude are disputed by the victims to allay the suspicion. The more the quietness, the higher the rate of violence until it gets to its peak.
Definition of terms and conditions in relationships is seen as one of the major causes of altercation in marriages. Terms like submission, financial responsibilities and role playing are among few riddles that beg for unravelling. One party feels oppressed, the other feels enslaved and then the suspicion raises unholy assumptions till the deed becomes ugly. Religious affiliations may affect the judgement of individuals as it does to variances in beliefs regarding separation and divorce. Polygamy or polyandry as it may so apply in this atmosphere of fantasies, is a culture that keeps digging this hole of contention and silent dissatisfaction.
The tale of good old friends shouldnt be forgotten when discord arises. If psychiatric issues are not included, it is normal to argue which will not necessarily involve stabbing, beating or even throwing blows. Expressing your feelings and displeasures will not be justified by heated arguments and boisterous discussions that may end in the grave for one or both parties. Playing the victim will continue to exacerbate the situation until one party takes the olive branch and does due diligence of the whole matter without preconceived idea dissonance.
Intimacy is not a gate pass to suspension of reasoning. If your relationship is losing touch of honesty or trust, before the whole situation becomes denigrating to a point where irritation stares at the parties involved when they sight one another, please retreat. Life is precious when it still exists. The unrest on the ropes wont allow the birds to perch; it simply wont be workable with partners of unsettled differences.
Olusegun Fashakin, a seasoned educator writes in via [email protected]