Nigeria: Where leaders forget good things —  FEMI ADEOTI COLUMN

We were neither disappointed nor upset. What you don’t have, you can’t give. That’s universally given.

On the other hand. Had they acted reasonably. It would have been an embarrassment. A monumental letdown.

We we’re cocksure that would not happen. Their DNA would not allow it. They must behave true to their weird type. That exactly they did. And to our amusement and amazement.

A leopard won’t change its dark spots. Our leaders inclusive. They would always exhibit the rulers in them. It runs in their veins. It is implanted.

This is a clime like no other. Where  we choose to forget good things effortlessly. And we’re proud not to care a hoot. We even flaunt it, particularly our leaders. They elect to be rulers over us, not leaders.

They close their crude minds to good things. It’s an intentional effort. They hate with passion.  Good things happening around us, for us and our collective joy.

They want none of these. Why, you would want to ask aloud. Reason: Their quack sensibilities will be offended. Inflicting on them severe and massive damage.

It won’t stop at that. Their murderous egos will be brutally bruised. They prefer to stick to their deadly guns: The old, odd ways of “doing bad, bad, bad things…” Unreserved apologies to the legendary Fela Anikulapo-Kuti.

In any election. Even in the self-acclaimed best democracies in the world. There must must be “glitches.” So they claim. They insist no poll ever escapes this landmine.

They would even argue arrogantly. It’s human. It’s natural. No matter how minute or inconsequential. Nigeria’s INEC remains the world’s best, finest and shiniest example.

The July 24, 2024, British elections shouldn’t be an exception. Not an island unto itself. That was the greatest expectation of our rulers. Those with debased minds.

Our rulers here didn’t see the beauty of democracy in the UK polls. What made it tick never arrested their attention. It didn’t infringe on the strong insensitivity in them.

To fulfil all righteousness. With great reluctance. They grudgingly dropped their half-hearted congratulatory message at 10 Downing Street, London.

Just because it was mandatory. And it could work against them if they didn’t. After that, they ceased fire. They refused to examine the nitty-gritty of the polls. Perhaps, they could pick some useful lessons from the Britons’ experience.

The rulers in them simply walked away. As if nothing spectacular had happened. The accolades the elections received, they perceived as mere irritations.

They were pissed off. And at great pains. That we the ruled refused to join their conspiracy theory. Instead, we kept discussing the polls with deep admiration.

We didn’t look at their dark side. They’re now jittery and in distress. The UK sampler may impact positively on our 2027 elections. That’s where our rulers awkwardly fix their gaze. Governance is secondary to them. Power is the main and the in-thing.

In their bizarre characteristics, they did their “needful.” That’s what they know how to do the best. They wanted the polls in faraway UK rubbished. And right here in Nigeria. What strange audacity!

They would not give up. They mustered all the strength in them.  And launched a deadly assault on the UK polls. Of course, they used us as cannon fodder.

They were desperate. That general election must be turned upside down; inside out. They strived hard to make a mess of what the Lord has perfected.

Their boot-lickers, do-gooders and sycophants went on the prowl. They were shamelessly unleashed on us. The narratives must change. They swore to high heavens.

Their twisted thought processes were recklessly put on display. They dared they could undo the election results. They were so sure. Their unusual templates of our past elections would work wonders for them.

They were everywhere on the social media. Exemplar: They tagged theirs “UK election update.” Their idiotic narratives were punctured with loopholes:

“Reports of ballot box snatching at Welling in Kent, masked thugs invaded polling stations shot into the air and went away with voting materials.

“In Bilericay, voting materials yet to arrive as at 12 noon.

“Aberdeen, massive thumbprinting going on in the house of the Conservative Party councillor.

“Swansea, riots broke out earlier over accreditation but security officials are maintaining the peace.”

Then they Nigerianised the poll. It was the biggest deceit of them all:

“Boris Johnson has declared that any result short of Conservative victory will be fiercely resisted by his teeming supporters.”

Recklessness at its zenith! What gave them that eerie liver? It must have been from the deepest bottom of the pit of hell.

And they failed woefully (“Won lule gbii.”) The harder they tried, the harder they crashed out. Promptly. The shenanigans were shot down before take-off. None flew. And none would ever fly. That’s a saner clime. Not George Orwell’s Animal Farm of ours.

That British election was a classical case study. It’s how a parliamentary government runs. It’s how it conducts its affairs devoid of rancour. A brilliant demonstration of the topmost beauty of democracy.

See the way a sane clime picks its leaders. No ruler is allowed to emerge. Either by omission or commission.

The process was simple and cheap. Seamless and transparent. That honest way. They can’t risk ending up as rulers. Or even worst as ruinners.

Labour Party’s Keir Starmer did not set up ambiguous national campaign council. Neither did Conservatives’ Rishi Sunak. They each only had their constituencies to contend with. They didn’t need crisscross the country campaigning.

So.There was no need for such colossal waste. That’s the new normal here. And our rulers are crazy about it. They cherish it with relish.

Over there. No monitoring spirits of any sort. Foreign or local. Either before, during or after elections. During electioneering. They interrogate and interpret issues.

Here, we sweep serious issues under our ever filthy carpets. And we have them in legions. We upgrade scandals to the front burner. And dwell richly on frivolities and trivialities. The real reason we fumble and tumble all the way. All the time.

These are some of the things our rulers hate to hear. That’s why they “wisely” chose not to interrogate the British polls. They would not study them either.

That would be self-inflicted injury. It would expose the underbelly of their own elections. And their vulnerable areas would be at great risk.

It won’t be pleasant. It won’t be pleasurable. We can perfectly understand their unending fears and plights. They are being haunted and hunted by their ugly shadows.

Take a deliberate look at the Britons at the polls. See the glamour of democracy showcased lavishly.

Within 24 hours, everything was concluded. And came to a satisfactory close. New government emerged and genuinely hit the ground running.

No grandstanding. No “buga.” Neither did new Prime Minister Starmer “grab it and run with it.” He rather toed the path of honour. He got the mandate and started work with it immediately.

Those are the useful lessons our rulers wouldn’t take away from the British. Greed, selfishness, emptiness and wickedness would not permit them.

Only a parliamentary system of government can perform that magic. Not our own awkward presidential system.

They won’t want to hear this. SAD!

LAST WORDS…

Senate attempts to bare fangs

Senate, bare fangs! Really? Is this make-believe? Or make-shift? Can it sustain its “new” posture? Are the senators struggling to sing a new song? One is at a loss.

All the same. It was unarguably its best session in recent times. Exceptionally different from its controversy-ridden past. What a renewed hope from the Senate!

It must not go unmentioned and unacknowledged. We won’t risk that.

We were shocked the Senate could allow such to happen. That didn’t align with its rubber-stamp toga. Far from it.

That it came from Ahmad Lawan was even more comfounding. He is the immediate past Senate President.

Last week, he dared the dire consequences. He opted to engage the Federal Government on food crisis.

He appeared to have done a honest accessment. He found government wanting. And heavily culpable on the country’s acute food insecurity.

He spoke to the situation on the “urgent need to address food insecurity and market exploitation of consumables in Nigeria.”

His fear, damning verdict: “If we don’t take urgent actions on increased food prices and electricity tariffs, we will not like the actions we will see in the streets.” You got it, if only once!

He was factual, down-to-earth: “We can’t take the people for granted for too long.”

It’s coming straight from the horse’s mouth. This is the truth that has been in the public domain. It is strange to Lawan and his co-travellers in the Senate. It is not to us. It couldn’t have been.

Lawan’s successor wouldn’t want to keep quiet. Godswill Akpabio couldn’t risk being left out: “There is no doubt that the government must rise to the occasion.”

Now, something strange is “cooking.” And they are aware it won’t be that pleasant. The Kenyan experience may come to play here with us. They are in serious panic and distress.

Akpabio was compelled to open up further: “The food situation is an emergency. We must save our people. We must assist our people to produce. The primary role of the government is to ensure the welfare and security of the people.”

Fire on the mountain! The fear of Kenyan Spring, is the beginning of wisdom. Booting?

Thank heavens these characters are having nightmares. After seeing the ugly writing on their cracked wall.

May their nightmares continue to be awful, endless and multifarious.