How parental influence on career choices frustrate children

In this report, VICTOR AYENI writes on how parental pressure affects the career choices of their children, highlighting some of the negative consequences this could have on their overall happiness and personal life

Twenty-four-year-old Samuel Izuchukwu had always longed to study the arts due to his love for acting and fashion modelling.

But his father, an engineer, mounted pressure on him to study engineering.

Now in his final year, Izuchukwu cannot still understand how he fitted into the course.

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In an interview with our correspondent, the Anambra State indigene vowed to return to the arts after graduation.

He said, “When I was in secondary school, I wanted to go into the arts but my dad stood against it. He believed art classes were for unserious students and my mother also often reminded me that the sciences would provide better opportunities for me, so I went along with it.

“As a science student, it was quite challenging to learn subjects like chemistry and physics; they felt too abstract for me. But I had to trudge along and the inexplicable thing was, I ended up passing them.

“I merely studied them just to pass my examinations anyway. But getting into the university and being made to study engineering was another hurdle for me. I just didn’t fit in.

“There have been instances where my colleagues told me I would have been better off studying theatre arts because that is where my passion lies. I want to complete my study for the sake of having this degree, but I will still pursue another degree in an art course.”

On his part, an affiliate marketer, Pelumi Adelere was pressured by his mother, a nurse, to study medicine at the university.

Despite his best effort, he did not meet up with the required cut-off marks.

Adelere explained to our correspondent that after he sat the Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examinations twice and his chances of studying medicine became dim, he decided to settle for zoology.

“My mother wanted me to study medicine at the university at all costs. I sat for the UTME twice but I didn’t meet up with the high cut-off marks required to study medicine, then someone advised my mum to allow me to study a natural science course and if I passed well in my first year, I could apply to transfer to the department of medicine. So, I opted for zoology.

“After my first year, I realised that making a transfer to medicine was not as easy as they said it was, so I accepted my fate.

“After graduation and youth service, getting a job was quite difficult. I realised that there are few career opportunities available for graduates of science courses unless they plan to go into academia.

“But I knew deep inside me that I was good at business, especifically marketing, so I went into it. A friend introduced me to selling iTunes cards and that was how my story changed for good. My mother is now happy for me and I am glad that I was willing to delve into an area outside my university degree,” he said.

Parental influence on career

Sunday PUNCH gathered that family pressure is often a significant factor affecting the career choices of many youths.

Experts say parents often meddle in their children’s career choices in order to ensure economic sustainability, which is considered guaranteed in certain occupations.

A father of two, Mr Stephen Okon, told our correspondent that he would not allow his children choose a course without economic relevance.

He said, “I will not allow my children to study just any course. They might not see the reality of what is on the ground in this country, but I do. I see how graduates of courses like biochemistry or microbiology are now doing bank jobs or into marketing because there are no jobs for them.

“Where are all the industries that were there decades ago? Our industries have been converted to churches and relocated their production plants to neighbouring countries, so I can’t with that awareness allow my children to study courses that have no economic relevance out there.”

Buttressing Okon’s point, a single mother, who identified herself as Queen Azuka, said she would guide her daughter to study only courses that were economically viable.

“There are limited jobs out there. Even medicine, law, and engineering graduates are not finding it easy in the job market, so I will not allow my daughter to choose just any course by herself. What does she know yet? Nowadays, tech jobs are lucrative and that is where I will guide her towards. I want the best for my daughter,” she stated.

However, a school counsellor, Mrs Bimpe Ikudaisi, noted that the practice of imposing courses on kids would not pay off.

According to Ikudaisi, when children are given the opportunity to choose their preferred careers, they will develop tools necessary to face and conquer future challenges.

She said, “Parents should not impose courses on their children. It makes children blame them for every failure they encounter in life. I have seen graduates who are frustrated and lacking in self-esteem because their parents made them study a course that turned out to be not helpful.

“The job market has evolved in the past number of years and the professions we think are viable today may not be in years to come. What parents should do when their children are confused about what career choices to make is to work with them to help them discover their interests.”

According to the Wharton Global Youth Programme, the impact of family background on career choice is often large in successful families.

The website wrote, “This is because children have an insider’s glimpse into their parents’ occupations, making it easier for them to break into the industry. If their parents’ jobs give them great satisfaction or provide a comfortable lifestyle, children see the perks early on and may favour these careers over others.

“In contrast, if parents complain about their jobs or struggle to support the family on the income their jobs provide, children are more likely to seek more fulfilling or higher-paid roles.

“If the parent participated in the activity as a child and did not succeed, he or she might put parental pressure on career choices in this area for the child. The earlier a child is introduced to an interesting area, the more time she has to explore it and strengthen her skills.”

Burdensome family obligation

Sunday PUNCH gathered that most Nigerian parents are not happy when their children refuse to study professional courses such as law or medicine.

In some cases, such crestfallen parents ostracize or shun the child for not studying what they define as a prestigious or high-earning occupation.

For instance, Nigeria’s world record holder and world champion in the 100m hurdles, Oluwatobiloba Amusan, shared her experience about how she endured her father’s opposition to her career choice.

The 25-year-old Ijebu-Ode, Ogun State-born sprint hurdler told BBC Sport Africa how her father once burnt her training gear to stop her from participating in sports.

She said, “My parents are both teachers; they are strict disciplinarians. When you grow up in such a family, they feel you should focus on school. And being a female, they think you are going to go astray, lose focus, and all of that.

“But because my mum saw what I didn’t see in myself, she felt she could give me a chance. She kept telling me not to disappoint her. My mum would tell my dad I was going to church, while I sneaked to practice or tell him I was going to a school debate, while I went to an out-of-state competition. That’s where it all started.

“My dad got really mad one time when he found out (I was running). He burnt all my training gear and told my mum that’s the last time he wanted to see me in a stadium.”

Nollywood actor, Femi Branch, also narrated how his father nearly disowned him for not studying law.

He said, “It was a serious matter for me at home when I decided to study theatre arts because my father always wanted a lawyer. It was so bad that he had to go back to the University of Ibadan to take a diploma course in law; he really wanted one of his children to become a lawyer but I could not have been bothered.

“For him, it was a disappointment and he almost did not contact me for about two years. Our fight was settled when I did a commercial for MTN. I was not in Lagos and we had not spoken for a long time before that and out of the blue, I got a call from my dad; he was asking me how I was doing. He said that he saw the advertisement and congratulated me on it.

“I called my mother later and she was the one that told me that one of my father’s friends had seen the billboard and called his attention to it. He went there to check. It was not easy, but I am thankful for the fact that they were later glad that I took the decision that I did.”

There are also parents who resort to unethical means to ensure that their wards study a particular discipline.

For instance, a graduate of English Language, simply identified as Tosin, disclosed that his mother resorted to paying for a “miracle centre” so that he would study medicine at the university.

He said, “I wanted to study law but my mother wanted me to study medicine. She insisted I must be a science student in secondary school, but I didn’t follow her plan because I didn’t have any interest in the sciences.

“My mother still stuck to her guns and insisted that I must study medicine even after secondary school. So, she hired someone to sit the WAEC examination for me at a ‘miracle centre.’ The fellow was to sit beside me and take the examination for me but I refused to show up at the examination centre. I eventually studied English at the university and it was later on that my mother realised her mistake.”

According to an educationist, Mr Olawale Ademola, when a child is compelled to follow a career path that he or she does not like, it often deprives the child of personal fulfilment.

He said, “Parents are supposed to encourage their children to follow their area of interest and careers which they have passion for. Children are individuals and they have their rights as well, but sadly, some parents want to live their lives through their children and by that subvert their children’s wills and personal goals.

“It could be that a particular parent didn’t attain a certain career due to some challenges, and they then want a child to live up to that very career path to make up for their own failure. Some parents also choose careers for their children out of pride or sheer ego; they want to use those children to massage their egos. These are negative motives that should be avoided.

“The fact that a child argues a lot and is strong-willed does not mean the child is competent to study law. There are other aspects that should be considered. To pick on just a personality feature of a child and then force that child to follow a career path on that basis robs them of the personal fulfilment and passion that they are supposed to have in that profession.”

‘Dad, I want to move on’

In 2016, a Lagos-based human rights lawyer, Femi Falana, and his wife, Funmi, organised a get-together for friends, relatives, and associates to celebrate the achievements that their son, Folarin, popularly known as Falz, recorded within a short period in the entertainment industry.

Funmi, who is also a lawyer, narrated how she felt bad about Falz’s plan to leave the legal profession for entertainment.

She said, “He (Falz) had started his career when he was in law school. I would tell him ‘You must practice law. I insist that you practice law. I sent you to England to study law. You cannot waste my money.’ But his father would go behind me to encourage him. So I told the father, ‘You are the one spoiling these children.’ But seeing his achievements today, we give God all the glory.”

Explaining why he refused to influence his son’s career, Falana, a Senior Advocate of Nigeria, said he always adopted the principle of encouraging the children due to his liberal disposition.

He said, “I want to corroborate what my wife said that I stubbornly conspired with Folarin to pursue music. We had a lot of quarrels in bringing up the kids. My wife believes that you spare the rod and spoil the child, which is good for the home. I am almost the opposite, not to spare the rod, but also to encourage the child.

“Sometimes, I accused her of child abuse because of her harassment of the kids. To be honest, we didn’t influence Folarin to read law. I took him to school one day. I think he was in primary five. He was late to class and everybody said, ‘the law.’ I asked him later whether he wanted to read law and he said, ‘yes.’

“He went to law school, and did well. We thought he was going to come out as a very good lawyer. He just came to meet me one day and said, ‘Dad, I think I want to move on. I can’t be going to court for adjournments all the time.’

“The mum came to challenge me that I was spoiling him. Apart from my liberal disposition, I think I was largely influenced by my experience with Fela, who was our client for about 15 years. Fela’s mother believed that he was going to be a colossal failure.

“How can anybody in 1967, in this part of the world, say he wanted to be a musician? Fela’s elder brother had become a doctor, and the younger brother was going to read the law. But later, the mother became Fela’s mother and the brothers became Fela’s brothers.”

A study published in the journal, Public Library of Science ONE, and carried out at the Utrecht University in the Netherlands, disclosed that the more a mother or father saw of themselves in their child, the more they likely wanted them to live their unrequited ambitions.

The research stated that, “Parents may derive pleasure and meaning from parenthood by vicariously resolving their unfulfilled ambitions through their children.”

The study explained that such parents could most likely want their children to achieve the dreams they were unable to achieve themselves.

In a series of tweets, filmmaker, Isioma Osaje, who studied medicine, recalled how she felt unfulfilled after her parents invested a lot in her career.

She wrote, “When I graduated from medical school, I knew that I didn’t want to be a doctor. But millions had been invested by my parents in my expensive private school education to give me the best options. I chose to study medicine, but three years later, I wanted out. I didn’t quit and I graduated, but I knew practising medicine was going to be deeply unsatisfactory for me.

“In my third year, I started to explore alternate options. I picked up writing again, the offshoot of a childhood spent buried in books and music. I spent my childhood listening to the radio. It was writing and music that led me to HipHopWorld/the Headies – my first job.”

Seek career guidance – Experts

A counselling researcher in Ibadan, Mr Dennis Odaibo, told Sunday PUNCH that culture played a huge role in how parents influenced the career trajectory of their children.

He said, “The place of parenting service towards a career choice and implementation of their children can’t be over-emphasised. This is basically because the first basic education is from parents, guidance, and family members the children first have an encounter with before any formal educational services.

“One such educational service is the introduction of culture and traditions, that is, ‘children can’t disobey parents’ advice or spoken words’ (Omo o’le kooro si awon obi won lenu). This statement has grown to have a strong influence on children as it now helped parents to have a higher influence in dictating career choices for children.

“This tendency is especially true if it’s what parents don’t like, forgetting that this particular child has his or her own interest. Now, by the time he/she reaches school-leaving age, the child already has limited choices of jobs because of what they may have already learned, especially when their secondary education has involved specialisation in certain subjects for any length of time.

“Parents’ choice of career for their children can be said to have negative effects on the work performance of such individuals. Instead of parents choosing for their children, they should give them the opportunity to attend career conventions or career conferences, as these can be a potent factor in motivating such a child to aspire to higher achievements in choosing a career.”

Also, the Career and Guidance Counsellor of Greensprings School, Lagos, Ms Soluzo Ekenta, advised parents to allow their children to choose careers based on passion and interest.

She noted that instead of forcing their children to study courses believed to be lucrative, parents should encourage them to study courses based on their strengths.

She said, “In Nigeria, it is believed that medical doctors, lawyers, and engineers are respected and well paid. Therefore, many parents try to make their children study courses related to these professions, even when their children are not interested in them.

“However, things have changed in recent times and career experts have started encouraging parents to allow their children to choose a profession based on their strength and passion.

“There is nothing wrong with parents recommending that their children should study courses that can get them lucrative jobs. In the past, those courses include medicine, law, and engineering. But many other unpopular courses also guarantee lucrative jobs and in our new information technology age, there are hundreds of new and lucrative IT-based jobs.”

An educationist, Mr Anthony Olajide, urged parents to get the support of counsellors in their children’s schools in order to work out the modalities of a good career path.

“Some parents have an outdated worldview of the educational system and the emerging realities of the job market, so they should get the support of a guidance counsellor who will help them work out the modalities of choosing the right career with their children.

“I once asked one of my former students why he chose microbiology as a course of study and he said someone told his parents that ‘they work in hospitals just like doctors.’ That used to be the case but since 2010, the Federal Government has prohibited those with microbiology degrees from working in the labs. To work in the laboratory of any hospital, you need a medical lab science degree.

“A competent guidance counsellor knows this and will help a student opting for microbiology to choose the right course. But many parents don’t know about these professional nuances. Look at even how medical doctors are being treated by the system now. This is why proper guidance and enlightenment on career choices is essential.”

Olajide added that the academic capability of a child and personal interest must be studied before selecting a career.

“Parents should examine all the available courses related to the child’s desired option and guide him or her accordingly. They must endeavour to know the academic capability of the child and his or her interests and encourage him or her. They are not to make career choices for their children.

“There are times that imposition of career works out well for some children, but such expensive chances should not be taken with every child. They should carry the children along. Some children are creative in certain areas and they might not always need university degrees to find their preferred path,” he added.