FEMI ADEOTI COLUMN
The template is horrible, disgusting and predictable. Laughable too!
It has taken the shine out of the contest. Nothing is presidential
about this particular race.
Everything about it is blatantly “unpresidential.” It is worse than a
rat race. There is no semblance of rules and regulations. It has
changed in form, nature and substance. It’s an all-comers affair.
An apt case study is the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC). One
cursed character wakes up from the bad side of his cracked bed. He
heads straight to the nearest APC outpost.
He walks carelessly to the unkind embrace of one heinous group or the
other. Then clapping, dancing and panting rend the air rudely. He’s
overwhelmed and bewildered.
And before he opens his mouth, the group declares for him. He is
promptly handed a whopping N100 million APC presidential nomination
form. On a platter of gold.
That is the rave of the moment. Every known and unknown group is out
to outdo the other. This has taken the mould of an evil norm. It won’t
stop anytime soon. We haven’t seen anything yet. They are still
APC blazes the trail and maintains the lead. Its presidential
nomination form has since transmuted. They have turned it into a
bazaar of sorts. And anything goes; the good, the bad, the ugly.
It has slipped so low. It now comes in the shade of the infamous
“Tradermoni.” (Apologies to Vice President Yemi Osinbajo, himself a
presidential aspirant.) He is the original copyright owner. And it’s
still very dear to his heart. It remains his potent weapon.
We are baffled and taken aback. Where does this money come from? Who
are the real masquerades behind these shenanigans? They are scams in
We have been cruelly unlucky in this weird clime of ours. It is our
cross; a heavy burden. We are blessed with eerie species. They are
proudly showcasing the crazy stuff they are made of. And they do it
with reckless abandon.
That we have been forsaken as a nation is no longer in contest. In
fact, it amounts to a gross understatement. There is this palpable
fear. That perhaps, the deadliest is yet to surface.
We surely are the architects of our many misfortunes. Why? We are
comfortably at home with wrong choices. We feel at great ease with
We are so carelessly gullible. And these wolves in our midst? Trust
them, they make the maximum advantage of that. The reason we have
become one huge laboratory. They carry out odd and grotesque
In this theatre of the absurd, almost everyone is dancing naked. They
have ***lost their senses. Nearly all are playing to the gallery.
We’re amazed and amused.
We have this strong conviction. These wild characters have no business
being in politics. They even venture to lead us. It’s an uncanny
audacity. Have we not been truly forsaken? Why should the heavens
allow these untamed charlatans to happen to us?
They deliberately ensured this presidential race lost its bearings. It
is directionless, aimless and in shambles. We can’t go anywhere with
it. And nothing positive can come out of it.
It was planned. It was intentional. These tricksters detest any good
thing for us. Our aspiration is never theirs. We are poles apart.
There’s no meeting point.
We hate them. Yes, we loathe them. They are contagious; they are
plagues. They have turned Nigeria into a wilderness. And these
aspirants are the wanderers in it. That is what they really are.
It is obvious by their body language, utterances, actions and
inactions. They are not to be trusted or believed. We won’t dare that
it is a high risk. And we’re not cut for that. We did it in the past.
We’re forever regretting.
These aspirants are gambling, for they are professional gamblers.
They’re jostling, for they are jostlers. And that is what they know
how to do best.
APC is celebrating. It is certainly having some laugh. From the sale
of presidential forms alone, it raked in a stupendous N2.63 billion.
That was by Tuesday, May 10, 2022.
These ones could beat their fleshy chests that they obtained APC
forms. Each staked N100 million. The roll call can be frightening and
Let’s refresh your memory. It’s worth it: Prof. Yemi Osinbajo, Asiwaju
Bola Tinubu, Governors Yahaya Bello, Dave Umahi, Kayode Fayemi,
Abubakar Badaru and Ben Ayade.
More: Senators Rochas Okorocha, Ken Nnamani, Chris Ngige, Ibikunle
Amosun, Ajayi Boroffice, Ahmad Lawan, Godswill Akpabio and Sani
Still others: Chukwuemaka Nwajiuba, Uju Kennedy, Pastor Tunde Bakare,
Nicholas Bello, Rotimi Amaechi, Dr. Ogbonnaya Onu, Dimeji Bankole and
Three others remain confused, undecided. They keep on dilly-dallying,
while the time ticks on. They have great doubts. Yet, they were not
man enough to make up their minds in good time.
They are worse than gamblers. They couldn’t find their feet.
Ex-President Goodluck Jonathan leads this disoriented and disconnected
pack. What a category!
He is, however, not alone. He has the likes of Godwin Emefiele,
governor, Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) and Akinwunmi Adesina,
president, African Development Bank (AfDB), for company.
Each has a pathetic case at hand. They are all in a bad mess. And they
asked for it. Jonathan permitted himself to be tossed anyhow. And he
sheepishly keeps going forth and back. Motion without movement!
He could not be firm in making decisions. Not even for once. It was a
ridiculous replay of how he ran his government aground. How could he
allow nomadic Fulani herdsmen to arm twist him into submission?
He is not in a normal frame of mind. That is given. He does not even
know the party he belongs to. That’s piteous. It is not complimentary,
as a former President.
Emefiele is in a messier situation. Wants to be President as a
substantive CBN governor? That is idiotic. How did he ever think that
would work out well for him?
He continues to feign ignorance of intention. He disowned the Rice
Farmers Association of Nigeria (RFAN). Yet, he has been pretending all
along. He even went to court. To seek what? He could not explain, up
You could discern that Adesina was and is still scared. Clearly, he
did not know how to handle the situation. He could not touch the APC
forms. It was obtained for him by a vague and foggy Coalition of
Interest Groups (CIG).
We are extremely glad, these double-dealers and swindlers are not
finding it ease at all. There’s confusion in their various camps. They
are at one another’s jugular.
We love that. It is good for our corporate health and existence. Their
deceit is crashing on them faster than expected. They are being hunted
and haunted by their ugly shadows.
It is sad and saddening. In the past seven horrible years, these
hoodwinkers never learnt their lessons. They call themselves
politicians. But we call them hoaxers, deceivers.
We’ve learnt ours in very hard ways. That is why we dread a repeat
performance of the last seven years. Those are terrible years of our
We have hawks in our midst. They strive to disguise as presidential
hopefuls. They are in delicate human skin.
Worst still, they are fiercely on the prowl. Seeking for whom to
destroy and devour.
You will continue to have it rough, harsh and hard. May our paths
never cross. Not even in 2023.
Help, these presidential hawks are on the prowl!